Voices


“Last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.”

T.S Eliot

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It’s considered a bit trite to wheel out a well oiled quote when you’re stuck for words. Handy though.

Despite the fact I haven’t blogged regularly for a very long time, I still can’t let it go. Can’t put it to bed and close this chapter. I can’t go back and read old posts regularly because I can’t stand the sound of my own words, or voice but that’s a different matter.

At 38 and a half I feel as far away from 31 year old me as I do from 16 year old me or 8 year old me.

When I started recording words here I was a mum of one. I was in my early thirties. I had far fewer lines and less grey hair. However, I’m sure to the average casual observer I probably seem exactly the same. My job is the same, we live in the same (enlarged) house. I’m married to the same man, like lots of the same things, do lots of the same things.

But I’m definitely not unaltered. I haven’t faced any great challenges, made any great changes or achievements. Yet somehow as the (sometimes very long) days have passed and turned into years I’ve changed so much that I feel squirmy and uncomfortable about those published words. I don’t agree with so much of what I thought then. I know better now, and who’s to say I won’t have completely changed my mind in another ten years?

Not that any of this is a bad thing. If we stay the same surely that’s worse? To make up your mind about anything and remain staunch in that belief despite evidence to the contrary? I’m glad my world has opened up further through what I’ve read, investigated, heard, discussed and experienced. That ‘staying home’ with my children has opened doors for me which remained firmly shut before. A reminder that feeling ‘stuck’ is just that. A feeling, a state of mind.

And for the first time in my adult life I’m starting the ‘new year’ with the old me. I’m not making plans to overhaul myself inside and out. It never works and more importantly there’s really no need. The old me is fine, she’s got me this far after all. I used to feel a rising sense of panic, a sense that time is running out. That I haven’t done enough, or more accurately that I’m not enough.

Piffle.

I’m enough, you’re enough.

I would make a promise to blog more regularly but that wouldn’t be in the spirit of acceptance of the fact I’m doing my best. I’m doing what I can to get where I need to be. I might like to write it down so I can cringe reading it back several years later.

Or I might not.

Have a fabulous Hogmanay, squeeze your loved ones if you can. See you on the other side.

Tenacious G

I blogged Grier’s birthday celebration but it’s tradition for me to record a few words here about the kids as their birthdays roll around. It’s been keeping me awake at night that I haven’t shared Grier at seven. Traditions are important after all. Even ones made up by me.

So my sweet girl is seven. She is still 90% sunshine and 10% steel. She often asks us what she was like as a toddler. And we tell her she was wild and funny and cuddly and most of all that her favourite words were always -

‘Do it self’

And she hasn’t changed a bit. She will persevere with anything for way longer than most of the rest. She will find a better way, a smarter way and a more creative way to do pretty much anything. She seems to thrive on the challenge and the longer it takes to do something the more satisfaction she gains from doing it. I love this so much about you Grier.

Grier sees patterns everywhere. Taking note of the colour of everything she sees and adding it to visual database which seems to exist in her brain, like rows upon rows of Crayola crayons. The steady stream of things she’s built, crafted and designed continues. She loves to dance freely to music and sings with abandon often.

She still seems so small when I hold her little, delicate hand. But when she sits on my knee she has to fold her suddenly lengthy limbs around her body to fit in the space. And she does still sit on my knee for which I am very grateful. She’s somewhere in the in between and it’s spectacularly beautiful.

Until next year Grier, grow and grow and grow. And always ‘do it self’. Unless you need help in which case I will do whatever it takes, okay?

Love you.


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Galaday 2018

This year was Baxter’s first Galaday!

He’d only been going to our local school nursery for 2 days but that qualified him to take part on the school float and he wasn’t missing that chance for anything! I made Grier’s costume during the summer holidays and Baxter’s was cobbled together from things we already had at home but he was delighted. Brodie skipped the dressing up this year as he wasn’t interested in the theme. People always like to have a good moan about the Galaday but I love it. The kids really get into it, it’s part of our local heritage and if you don’t like it do something about it people!

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Walking alongside the float is a dangerous business though, getting pelted in the head with flying sweeties is just part of the experience!


Seven

A week after her appendectomy Grier turned 7!

We went ahead with her birthday party as planned. A picnic party in the park where we made nature crowns, did a scavenger hunt to find treasure and played hide and seek. A good reflection of Grier at 7 - crafts. being outside, friends and letting loose.

Having been in the hospital the week before didn’t help with the usual bittersweet feelings birthdays bring up. This vibrant, effervescent, wonderful child contrasted with the fragile, poorly and exceptionally brave one. Of course they are all parts of the same magnificent little girl.



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And when you wake up on your seventh birthday it’s best to open your presents then be presented with pancakes with sprinkles and a unicorn candle. Duh.

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I’m not going to lie, I was delighted when Grier chose this simple elephant cake as the one she wanted me to recreate from a book she has. Just cake and simple meringue buttercream and no complicated decorations. Thanks BellaBoo! She didn’t even object when Baxter insisted on adding a whole barrage of random candles to the original design.

Loved celebrating this SuperStar (TM)






The Finale

One last layer of memories. 

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This lady was not messing. Doors swung open wide. Serious sweeping underway. Ignore over excited tourist below snapping away.

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I'm not sure I've mentioned the coffee. It was good everywhere and we had three different ways to brew coffee in our apartment so we were well caffeinated at all times.

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If you don't look EXACTLY like this when you eat pizza you're not doing life right.

And that's it. Holiday photo album complete. Our tans are now faded. We're gearing up for back to school. Time to start planning a new getaway?