Introvert

I love personality tests. Does anyone not? Is there a human being alive who is not fascinated with themselves? 

Obviously, the answer always comes back the same I'm an introvert . Sometimes when I tell people I loved to sing and dance and act in public when I was a child they can't believe I was ever so outgoing. Although what is this blog really, other than a place to show off?

I feel like I started out less introverted as a child then came the hideous teenage years and now I'm coming out the other side. I'm not sure I'll ever breeze into a room of strangers excited to meet new people, but I certainly feel more comfortable than ever before. 

Even know though I'm aware that my behaviour - which might come across as reserved or shy if you're being kind, awkward and rude if you're not - has an impact on those around me  I struggle with being sociable. I hate to think that my reticence to speak out even among people I know well has made life difficult for other folk. I'm now realising that allowing myself to always shrink back is unfair to the people around me especially other introverts like me. In order to make people around me feel relaxed and at ease I have to be a bit more 'forward'. I'm also realising that where once I believed the whole world found this social interaction stuff easy, there are lots of people like me 'faking it'.

I'm not being fake, I'm just trying to navigate the world more smoothly, trying to care a little less about what other people think and spend more time enjoying what is out there.  My fear is that people will regard my shyness as disingenuous or insincere so in the interest of being a grown up and a good role model I'm making real efforts and the more I do it the easier it is.

Making conversation with people I don't know well and making new connections with people I meet in the interest of rounding off the corners of my introversion isn't going to turn me into a social butterfly. But being able to get through normal day to day interactions without a scarlet face, burning ears and the feeling of needing a wee RIGHT NOW might be nice.